Evanescent
by angelofdeath1119
Summary: "But where can I fall, now that I'm already here at the bottoms of hell?" Hiei goes on a rant. Author is out of her mind.


So Hiei goes on a rant. The author is sleepy. Review and Fav will feed the author.

**OWC: **1,016

**Disclaimer: **YYH (c) Yoshihiro Togashi

* * *

><p>In the demon realm, time is not only fast, but fleeting.<p>

I am sitting on a tree looking at a round blue stone. Memories swirl inside my head, and I unconsciously lean closer to it. Lost in my thoughts, I whisper. Lonely words and haunting thoughts. Both carry the reverberating of a sadness of this lone warrior, drifting from my heart to my throat to the wind, where if luck allows, it will reach your ears.

We've spent so much time apart; I don't even know what you look like anymore. Not like we had a pact to keep in touch or anything. But I can't help but be curious. Do you still bear the same body of that kid, have you changed bodies or have you gone back to your youko form? Are you still Shuuichi Minamino, helpless, weak, and aging, or have you left that body for somewhere more convenient? Shiori, the only person who seemed to pin you there, would have been dead so long ago anyway.

Is the Youko I see, haunting my dreams and my nightmares, the same Youko that everybody sees?

So much time and distance are between us that I don't even know what to feel anymore. Not even sure of anything. Not like I haven't felt like this from the stars. But I just know that somehow it's different.

And somehow, as wary and unsure as I am, I still have trust. I still trust you, deep inside my conscience, even though I feel so badly used now. But somehow it's a pleasing kind of dark, forsaken emptiness that swallows me. It was different from the agony of longing that I've always wanted to run away from, all my life. Not that. It actually haunts me with that difference.

It's like a drug, you see. That sense of being away from the conscious mind, to be away from all problems and just be free. It's addicting. Momentary bliss that somewhere would also kill you anyway.

But you probably already know that.

I understand why they call foxes sly creatures. Somehow, I still cannot believe I fell for that. It does not make any sense in my head. I utter the word 'fool,' but this time to myself, for myself.

I was abandoned when I was born. I might as well have known I would be abandoned now.

I grasp on the Hirui—a memento of a faint existence of a family that never took me in—searching for something to cling on to, but its colour is faded and bland, unhelpful. It does little to calm me. I hold it tighter, and I know it will break. I let go. It falls, but the chain tying to me neck prevents it from pummelling to twenty feet below.

I can go on and keep believing of your return, but like a punch that only remains in your head, it doesn't affect anything really. No matter how long and hard and loud I shout, nothing will happen, since this is all in my head. _You _are in all in my head. Just like an illusion that has yet to fade.

Looking into these illusions… I remember them, the pair of shining little emeralds that is unique to only you. That shade of eyes will probably disappear with you. Do you know, fox, that I've always looked at you, and compared you to a rose? It suits the colors your body has decided to take on anyway. Even more ironic is that it is your weapon of choice. Roses—things that helped you survive, and now, things that remind me of you, things that will only serve to bring me down.

I know that I can flash back all I want, but nothing will happen. You will not return. And as I shake my head, I make up my mind. No, I've never cried out gems in my life, and I have no plan to, fox. Not for you.

The putrid wind carries on an unusual scent, terribly out of place in the demon realm. Sweet and sympathetic. It reminds me of you, as it graces the winds. Only later do I realize, and I choke on my words and feel like falling.

But where can I fall, now that I'm already here at the bottoms of hell?

I remember that outrageous way you kept your roses in your scarlet hair. I don't know how, no one probably knows how, and that would make the mystery even more interesting. You loved showing off, more than I did. It was always a big show, whenever you produced your rose whip. What with all the petals you send flying into the air. Pure elegance, they say, but those are pretty big words for a little boy like you.

Life's been like games to you, huh, fox? A very entertaining game of pretending and disguise.

The demon realm has no space for weaklings like you. Even I have lost patience with you. How long must one keep going, waiting, hoping somewhere along that dark winding path, the sun will shine? Sometimes even promising eternity to loved ones is too long for a grown up. Leave those to the children's books, Minamino. This is the real world now.

This is the path I decide to take, and wherever you may be in the universe, youko, you know won't be able to stop me. I thank you for all the assistance you've given me all those times. Indeed, you were a great ally. But this is the farthest I can go for gratitude towards you.

You've had your fair share of battles, and I must admit it was such an adventure we had, you and me and all those fools. Definitely an important one in this existence of mine. But whatever we do now… still, past is, and will always be, just the past. Now we've got to let go. We've got to grow up, Shuuichi.

And this is where it ends, Kurama. For you and for us.

From now on, I'm just a fleeting, flying shadow.

Evanescent.


End file.
